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tension is who you think you should be. relaxation is who you are ~chinese proverb


the mind has a dumb sense of vast loss – that is all. it will take mind and memory months and possibly years to gather the details and thus learn and know the whole extent of the loss. ~ mark twain

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – Dalai Lama
Compassion is a sense of shared suffering, most often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another; to show special kindness to those who suffer. Compassion essentially arises through empathy, and is often characterized through actions, wherein a person acting with compassion will seek to aid those they feel compassionate for.

too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. ~leo f. buscaglia



i didn’t think too much about my FIRST EVER 5 mile run this morning. just got up and left the motel.

i walked to the “ocean beach bike path”, turned on “mapmyrun” and started running. it was pretty dark, but i was running toward sunrise. the lagoon to my left, and to my right, the kumeyaay highway. i did not turn on my music, decided it was better to listen, partly because it was SO quiet. and it was dark and there was no one out anywhere. i didn’t even check my mileage until 1.5, and could feel that this was going to be a good run. knew i was going to make it to the half way point and not even need to walk. at the 2 mile point, there was a very large tree with lots of growth all around it. i could see tube socks attached to legs near the base of the tree standing very still. there are a lot of homeless here. i kept running. when i got to 2.5 i walked out for .10 and turned back for an equal .10, then turned on my music and ran. the tubesocked transient was mounting his immaculately distributed, widely loaded bicycle as i ran by. i had little conversations with myself about whether i could run back all 2.5 or would have to walk. told myself to wait and see. saw great blue herons strolling the lagoon below. cormorants flying overhead. the brush along the path side smelled like celery. a camped wanderer was just waking, smoking her cigarette. a rasta-looking guy smelled like marijuana and gave me a big smile and a nod in my final half mile. i felt really elated, so excited to share the news that i ran the whole 5 miles and it felt so great!, to eat the sort of foods that you’ll feel good about. foods that won’t leave you feeling guilty. good foods that will give your body what it really needs and not make your body chemistry spike and plummet. go for a walk, if you can, just to breathe deep. and slow. drink water. check in with me anytime you feel like it. i’m right here with you.

real grief is not healed by time…if time does anything, it deepens our grief. the longer we live, the more fully we become aware of who he was for us, and the more intimately we experience what his love meant for us. real, deep love is, as you know, very unobtrusive,seemingly easy and obvious, and so present that we take it for granted. therefore, it is often only in retrospect – or better, in memory – that we fully realize its power and depth. yes, indeed, love often makes itself visible in pain.

-henri nouwen

there have been times when i’ve thought, “i could do that.” like the time i came across a blog of lists, which became a book of lists. and being an obsessive list-maker, i thought, “i could have done that!” or the daily coyote blog, which also was made into a book. not that i have ever raised a coyote from birth, but if i HAD and if i took photos of the coyote as it GREW, then that could have been my idea too! there have been plenty of other ideas not put into motion, most notably all the times i told myself i was going to help someone…who knows what could have been if i had acted on even half of my notions…

an idea inspired by bikram yoga back in early december 2010… i was HOOKED about bikram and KNEW i wanted to do a year of unlimited yoga, a package my studio calls “the magical year”.  i wanted to sign up for it as soon as i returned from africa, in early january. i was going to have a magical year and do frivolous things like travel, raise chickens, practice bikram yoga, be enlightened and write about it. but then the end of december came and i shelved the idea, because there was going to be nothing magical about 2011.

but i think that somehow i have to still write my way through this year, even though the story is different than i originally planned…otherwise it is another in a long list of things i thought, “i could do that” not realized….


521 for 23 wishes project

kindness ripples...

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